I am not an addict.
My children are not old enough to know what addiction is..
But addiction does run in my family..
I have spent the last year praying and trying to make understanding of this "addiction world" that I have only ever been on the receiving end of.
Talking with other mothers about addiction, has led me to write a letter on their behalf.
I used to be the one that judged.
I used to be that person that wouldn't go near this topic or anyone associated with it.
Through prayer and research, God taught me not to judge.
I am not writing today as an advocate for addicts.
I am writing as an advocate for mother's of addicts.
Out of all the mothers I talked to, they all had one thing in common. ..
PRAYER
My hope is that the judgers of this world will become a little less judgmental.
Dear child,
The world says you're worthless.
The world likes to tell you that you're a burden on society.
They call you lazy, hopeless, and disgusting.
They judge you so harshly that you have started to hate yourself.
They treat you as less than a person.
But to me... you're just my baby.
You are trapped in a body that has betray you.
You have fallen victim to what the sin of the world has to offer.
You made some bad decisions.
You have seen things that you couldn't cope with.
You struggled to find your footing, and you fell anyway.
What people don't understand is that you just want to forget. You just want to stop being in pain.
No one trusts you.
No one wants to help you.
You feel alone.
That's what this evil demon drug has done to my baby.
I have no choice but to watch complete strangers bully you on a daily basis.
They don't know you the way I do.
Before all of this.
The way you used to smile.
Before the pain. Before the accident. Before the trauma.
They don't know how much I blame myself.
I go to bed wondering if you will ever recover.
I wake up scared that it might be your last day.
I want more than anything to help you.
But I am scared you will hurt me.
Then I feel guilty for protecting myself.
Because I know that this drug is not the baby I raised.
I have no choice but to watch this drug destroy the beautiful human that I used to cuddle with.
I look at the same park you used to play in, become the same park that you sleep in.
I am forced to watch you slowly spiral.
I am forced to stay hopeful, while I watch this addiction kill my baby.
As you waste away.
As this demon takes everything away from you.
On my hardest days I still pray for you.
Even on the days I questioned God. I never gave up on you.
Even when I don't understand, I still pray for you.
What you don't see is how much I cry.
What you don't see is how much I am begging God to save my baby.
What you don't see is how I would take your place if I could.
What you don't know is how often I think about you.
What you need to understand is that I am scared too.
I am scared you are gonna die.
I am scared you are going to hurt somebody else.
I am scared you will not get better.
I am scared you will go to jail.
I am scared you will take worse drugs.
It has such a strong hold on you.
I am scared it will never let you go.
Addiction "YOU SUCK"
Not just a little bit. Not just alot. But more than any human should ever hate.
This temporary place has ripped you away from me.
It causes you to be someone who doesn't love themselves.
It has caused you to become unrecognizable.
It has made you...
VIOLENT
DEPRESSED
PARANOID
It's made me say things to you that I can never take back.
It has a way of tearing families apart.
It's the very thing that makes Satan smile.
It is more powerful than anything I have ever fought.
That is why I pray.
Because if anyone can beat this, it's Jesus!
I will never stop fighting for you.
Me and God are coming for you.
I know you hate me.
I know right now it seems like I don't love you.
I know you want me to help you.
The truth is..... I can't.
Only God can.
That's why I pray.
I need you to let God in.
I need you look for the light.
I will be right there with Him.
Mommy is here.
I have not left you.
We will find you, if you let us.
Watchingbyou fight this head on has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I am so 😞 sorry.
Addiction doesn't just destroy 1 life.
It destroys all the one's who love you.
It causes you to be everything I have feared for you to encounter in this world.
How can I get through everyday knowing that you're so much better than this.
Mommy just wants you to get better.
I want you to overcome this.
I want Satan to put my baby down.
I pray for you every second of everyday.
I will not stop praying until he puts u down.
Just because you are not here doesn't mean I don't want you to be.
But this isn't you.
It's a stranger.
So I will be here when you are ready.
As the world judges you.
I am here praying.
As the world judges me, I am here praying.
As you continue to be rejected.
I am asking God to catch you.
I am praying will start to see my baby and not a hopeless addict.
I pray you see that the only one that's gonna love you like me is God. He is your escape.
Don't worry about what people say.
None of their opinions are more important than your sobriety. Your worst days will be in recovery. But your best days are still to come.
I need you to see that sobriety will be your wings.
I need you to see that God will cut your chains.
Because we need you......
Let's Rewrite Recovery
Love your Momma
Love your Daddy
Love your Sister
Love your Brother
Love your Babies