It Was Either Anxiety Or Motherhood
Updated: Feb 1, 2020
For any mom who struggles with anxiety. You are not alone. For all the Mama's who feel absolutely defeated. I hear you. I see you . For all the Mamas who are afraid to say how they feel about motherhood, because the so called "perfect mom" would judge them , I hear you loud and clear. Being a mother is one of the absolute best blessings that you can be gifted by God . Children are amazing , being a parent is amazing , finding the love of your life and being a wife is amazing. There's a part of being a stay-at-home mom that is a small glimpse of Heaven at times. But there's those wrong moments, the ones everyone is afraid to talk about. Out of fear of judgement. Being a mom is hard. It has a lot more (Unglamorous) moments than it does glamorous ones. Feeling like you have had a bad day as a mom, is okay. Never let anyone tell you that it's not. After all you are a big human, taking care of other little humans. We are all just doing the best we can. It used to be a lot harder for me because I thought I had it all figured out, and I wouldn't take advice. I was about as ha as hard-headed could get. So because of that I wasn't seeking my guidance from the Lord. Which wasn't very smart on my part because after all, these children are a gift from Him. He's a steward of a lot more children than I am. I mean he gave them to me, who's to say he can't take them away? Well that was the anxiety in me . The feeling of fear , that if I appeared to look as though I'm doing a bad job I'm a people think I'm a bad mom. Well the devil is a liar! You have moments in motherhood , where you feel like an Un Mom. As a mom with her hands full, it's a wonder I ever go a day with out feeling.......
(Un-appriciated) Somedays are so repetative it's as though I am living a real life Groundhog Day! Long days spent, cleaning, cooking, teaching, (repeat) scolding, all with out taking a breath. Everything runs like a well oiled machine for your family, because let's face it. Your the oil! Youbknow that if you stop even for a moment , something will lack or fall behind. While everyone elses needs, and wants are being met , here you are barely holding on. You feel like nothing you do matters abd you feel completely taken for granted.
(Un-heard) There are those frustrating moments in parenting, you know the ones where you have litterally repeated yourself all day long. Just to be ignored or told I didn't hear you. You have said stop talking, go to bed, do your homework, eat your dinner, and stop fighting, so much that you wish you had purchased those expensive ear plugs at target .
(Un-aware) You are not even sure if you can conjure enough stamina to go to the closet and get dressed to go to bible study, because you have been so consumed with making sure everyone had their seasonal clothes. That you failed to realize that all you own is yoga pants, maternity pants , and pajamas.
(Un-attractive) You have come to realize that your makeup is expired and your hair is out of date. You're not even really sure , the last time you had your hair out of a bun. You never lost your baby weight, and have no idea how to do anything other then blow dry your hair at this point.
(Un-desirable) You feel ugly in your own skin, so ofcourse you hide yourself from your husband. Because for some reason you have convinced yourself that he thinks your ugly too.
(Un-friended) You can't even remember the last time you had a real friend. You certainly can't remember the last time you went out with friends. The the ones that don't have family support, feel it a little bit worse than the ones that do. You feel completely detached from your old friends, and you feel like you can't even make new friends. And your anxiety makes it even more awkward when you try to make friends.
(Un-hinged)You probably feel like at any moment you're about to pop. Because you've been stuck in the house for days on end and you don't even remember the last time you had adult conversation. So that's just a disaster waiting to happen when your husband walks in the door right?
(Un-kind) You have moments where you're probably like oh, oh no! I probably shouldn't have yelled so much of the kids today. I'm probably not the mother that I should be. I'm not spending enough time with my children. I'm not putting my husband first.
(Un-worthy) hey I get it, you're busy, you haven't slept a goodnight in years, between the shoulder waking you up and your husband snoring, you're lucky if you have time to take a shower. So getting to church on time never works out in your favor. Reading your devotional with your morning coffee never goes as planned. Getting in to God's word is few and far between because of the chaos in your life. You can't plug into the church like you want because you've got so many kids.
(Un-happy) All of these things lead to a feeling of not being good enough. That no matter how hard you try no matter what you do. You just can't get it together. So you worry more, and you smile less.
That's how the devil works. That's how anxiety works. Because even though you're working your butt off for your household. With sweat and blood & no breaks. No vacation days, no sick days. And no pay. Anxiety convinces you that you're still failing.
Well Mama's of anxiety. I'm here to tell you, if you're going to be an Un Mom.
(Un-pack) the anxiety.
(Un-derstand) His Words, His Love, and His Grace
(Un-create) the lies , that anxiety plants. Start plants seeds of truth.
(Un-fake) Stop living a life to impress other moms. None of us have it all together. Start living a life to impress God. Own the fact that you're tired and all you have is yoga pants.
(Un-dress) Start giving yourself to your husband again. Don't turn the lights off this time
(Un-willing) most of all, at the end of the day, the unwilling to sacrifice those little moments for yourself. Those little moments for God. Be unwilling to let the house be clean for a few more hours. If you make time for God he will make a way for you to make time for yourself.
If you're going to sacrifice something stop sacrificing laundry over your favorite TV show. Or sleep over doing the after dinner dishes.
Your mental health, and your spiritual health cannot fall on the back burner. If you expect to get out of this pit.