Having Anxiety doesn't make you Faithless.
Anxiety and Fear. These 2 words are powerful. But not powerful in the way you would expect. They are powerful because they have the capability of stopping you in your tracks. They can shut your life down temporarily. They can even make you hate yourself a little bit if you let them. These 2 stupid words will take every ounce of peace you have, and toss it out like trash. That is how ugly Satan is. He doesn't even try to hide on this one.. He shows you exactly how awful he is, by simply making you relive your trauma in your own mind. Some people will never understand what living with anxiety feels like.. that is ok.. Those are not your people. Well if you don't understand... please give me a minute of your time.
Anxiety is trauma. Anxiety means you have faced a horror too bad to discuss with others. Anxiety is being so scared you literally can't speak. It means you get very little sleep and you live life on the safe side, even if your not in danger. It means not going out because your too ashamed to tell people you couldn't bring yourself to get in the car. People with anxiety have endured things most people wouldn't survive. These people are not weak by any means. They are not cowards. They are not boring. They are not lazy. They do not lack faith. They just don't want to go through the same pain twice. They are terrified. If it was possible to see the scars of a trauma survivor, you would actually see them as brave. These scars are often times still very fresh and open. We need to stop canceling children's books and start canceling stigmas. Anxiety is a misunderstood topic. Sometimes though, the anxiety becomes too much. They get tired of fighting the same fear day after day. They get tired of explaining to everyone why they are so scared. They get tired of feeling defeated and misunderstood. They have random moments of walking away because they know their about to have a panic attack in front of everyone. They are labeled boring, coward, faithless, and too safe. They live in a constant state of fear. They worry about everything all the time. They feel as if they're crazy and they swear everyone else thinks they are too. It means having conversations with God every hour of everyday, because you can't get it together long enough to realize God already has it handled. It means you cry yourself to sleep. It means you feel judged every minute your in public. You feel alone, because no one understands. You try everything you can to not let your friends, family, and children see it. Then you feel like a failure because they did. It is mentally and utterly exhausting. You want more than anything to just not be scared. That is how Satan works. That is how evil he is. He uses anxiety as a weapon to destroy you.
When Satan finds what caused your trauma, he stops at nothing to use it against you. People with anxiety are not afraid of dying, they are afraid of living. Living with pain. Living with fear. Living with the idea that they will never be normal, functioning thinkers in society again. When something traumatic happens, our brains feel it. Our brain breaks. The same way our bones break if we have a bad accident. The difference is.... When someone has a broken leg, they get crutches, casts, and people help them into cars, and hold doors open for them.
Society can't see when someone has anxiety or PTSD, so they don't see the daily struggle that they face. People with anxiety are told to get over it, suck it up, stop being scared. There is no worldly crutch for fear. You know why? Because anxiety is a weapon of the devil. The only crutch you have is Jesus. Jesus is not of the world.. That is what makes anxiety powerful.. Christ is the only crutch that will conquer it. Although fear is powerful, it is not more powerful than God. Anxiety is a liar. It will make you an addict. It will make you runaway. It will make you want to die. You will want nothing more than to escape the anxiety. It will tell you to do anything to not have memories anymore. It will tell you you are worthless. It will show no mercy, and no love. It will cause you to hate yourself. Drugs will numb it, not take it away. Alcohol will censor it, not take it away. Bad relationships will hide it, not take it away.
Your crutch is there. He is waiting to give you healing. Sometimes that crutch is someone God places in your life to help you heal. If you have ever caught yourself anxious and thought I can't do this on my own....well your right. You can't. At some point.. You will be faced with the decision to let anxiety take over. Or let God take over. Going from horror to healing takes a long time. What you went through was horrible. The things you felt, the things you saw.....they broke you. They damaged you. You will not get better overnight. It is a long healing process. You will not be able to do it alone. My generation was never taught how to cope. And Frankly, I am sick of it. We grew up in a world of oversexualized music videos. Violent movies. Teen pregnancy pacts. And an open internet world of chat rooms and predators. We are now grown and still..... people look at my generation as if we are suppose to know how to behave. My generation didn't need MTV. We needed Jesus. We were told to go to a counselor if we were bullied or touched inappropriately. So then we did, only to have more bullying and the teacher not being fired for touching us inappropriately. We were taught that no one would believe us. No one would defend us. No one would understand. So we started depending on ourselves more. We stopped living and started surviving. We were not shown Jesus and love. We were shown dismissal and hate. Trauma resources were not widely given 20 yrs ago. Anxiety is prominent. Anxiety is real. Anxiety needs to be treated seriously.
There is no quick fix. It will take time. It will get better. But you have to face fear head on. You have to pray. Talk to a counselor if you need to, seek help if you need to....but while you are doing these things talk to God. Cry to God. Tell him how hard it is. Tell him how scared you are. Pray everyday. Pray every time you get scared. Come to him in moments of fear. He is your healer. He is your crutch. He will heal you. But listen....It is not gonna happen over night. It is going to be hard. But you will get better. He will heal you. Even if it's 10 years down the road, you will be a lot better than you were 10 yrs ago. He doesn't expect you to do it alone. He doesn't want your journey to be easy. He wants you to hold on to faith. He wants you to rise up. He wants you to look back and use your story of healing to help heal others.
The memories will always be there. You will never forget. But with God and healing you can start to feel normal again. Just because you suffer from anxiety doesn't mean you lack faith in God. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. All it means is you need a little more time and patience getting to the point where you need to be in your journey. People without past trauma don't understand what it feels like to get to a point where you can trust anyone. Including God. It is not a lack of faith at all. It is a lack of feeling worthy enough for Him to rescue you. People with anxiety don't lack faith. They lack worthiness. If you suffer from anxiety. Be patient with the ones who don't understand. If you don't suffer from anxiety, be patient with the ones who do.
We are trying. Some of us are dying trying to get there.
I am an advocate for anxiety because..... I know what it feels like. I know how hard it is. And I watched God take my horror and turn it into healing. But more than anything, God placed people in my life that were patient with me. It takes us just a little bit longer. Because we are scared. That is ok. Because He is waiting. No. Matter. What.
Say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you." Isaiah 35:4